Calvin Chuu

I need to make a list of things to do before I leave this place for the summer:

-Enroll in the right classes (Today)

-Find a place to stay next year, and also check Centrelink for Rent Assist (MONDAY)

-Make a meal or treat them for the Wongs (17th Nov Tuesday, 20th Nov Friday, 23rd Nov Monday?)

-Convert Australian Dollar to Singapore Dollar (Any day of the coming week in the morning)

-Finish the Thanksgiving Video for church (Think of ideas and record the coming Sat and when I see the guys, make sure my camera has battery and memory)

-Reply Kian on leading small group and short term mission in Indonesia

-Get together with Michael Lai (Coming weekend)

-Get together with Godfrey-watch a movie (Sometime this week weekdays)

-Maybe watch Zidane with Dennis and other soccer fanatics. (Bright, Jonno, Adrian)

-Clean up Room, and pack

-Do laundry and find my basketball shorts.




Today at church, I finally said hi to an older girl who was my sister's friend. The Chinese girls are a bit weird or super shy in the sense that they know how I am but they never said hi to me for all these time. Actually some of them would not wave back when I say hi to them. It's totally weird. I was thinking, "What did I do to you to deserve this invisible status?"

It's the late 20s early 30s crowd that does that. It's just weird. I don't get what it is. Another brother told me that they are just a bit weird and have their own world. Whatever that is. It's saying "hi", not about killing somebody or reaching out to the sick.

Another brother told me too that it's weird how we don't say hi. Some of the Chinese congregation are just like zombies, you say hi or wave to them you get silence. I just don't know what that is.

Tin Chuen is a bit like that, actually even worst. Do we have so many ultra introverts at church? I think people are just too closed in, too familiar with their own clicks and bubbles that they don't know what to do with themselves when they see someone different.

I am an introvert, Jen is an introvert, Janice is an introvert, but we kind of make ourselves to greet others. It's not natural for us but we learned that it's not so bad. It's fun and really, not that horrible. You are suppose to act as sisters and brothers, not strangers or people who are afraid of one another. What harm can small talk cause you? Your soul?

So we finally talked after all these time. I asked her, "Do you recognize me?"
"Of course I do, I wouldn't be able to recognize your brother though, how's your sister and family?"

Maybe they are just super shy. I think she is. But some others, they just don't want to talk to you for some strange unknown reason.

so on Wednesday, i handed in my last assignment, LATE haahahahaa. It's so doggy.

The funny thing is, it is a bit like reliving high school. I really felt I was back in high school after i handed in my papers.

i have about 2 weeks before i leave Australia.

Here are stuff I need to do:

Return to UTS to re-edit and back up my stuff.
Buy an envelope for my instructor to mail me back my stuff.
Find a new place to stay for next year.

Yesterday, I went back to UTS again to meet up with Kian on helping out at Focus next year. He was asking me if I would like to lead a small group in Cantonese or English haha. It's a little funny in the sense that people in Hong Kong made fun of me a lot with my Cantonese. But Focus needs someone to reach to Chinese students. And right now, I think there isn't anybody who can speak Mandarin fluently or at least good enough to explain the Bible and theology.

I hope that I can get more involved in campus ministry next year and this is good i think. Kian also asked me if I wanted to join the Indonesian short term ministry next year during the semester break in July. It would so hot. I told him i would think about it. There's one going to Japan and another one going to Indonesia. I think a lot of people want to go to Japan and I actually never been to Japan and actually it would be more expensive.

Indonesia, he said would be cheaper and he's actually a Chinese Indonesian.

I changed my flight from Jan 15 to Nov 24 leaving Sydney to Singapore and then arriving at Hong Kong on Nov 28th a Saturday.

That means I can play in 3 Tin Chuen basketball game. Go to Singapore for a while. And maybe have 3 months in Hong Kong which....is .... a very long time.

In my life, I have a history of spending my summers in Hong Kong. The ones when I return from America were quite boring. I think I should go traveling.

So I might be spending 3 months in Hong Kong and I need to find something to do. I can always make some money by tutoring.

Well I have a list:

If I am to be in Hong Kong for 3 months:

-Take a month to go learn Mandarin in mainland China, preferably Xian or Nanjing or some place beautiful and cheap.

-intern or volunteer at related business like a film production house or ministry. I am contacting Tammy Cheung. I need to look at more.

-Volunteer at something worthy

-go on short term mission

-travel for a few weeks

-and there's always the option of working my butt off at church


So even when there's nothing to do, i can make my own film or stop motion animation

It's seventh week and it had been really tiresome for the past 4 days or so. I basically had 2 assignments due so there was a lot of shooting. For me, the worst part of it was carrying all the heavy equipment around on our backs. For the drama class, the 3 grad students were grouped together. It is not ideal really, all of us except one is a newbie. And worst, none of us have a car. Actually many people don't have car, but the stuff were really heavy. We needed 2 breaks just taking the lights to Central Station. Martin and I later joked that we are so stronger now. And worst, I am the biggest out of the threesome so everybody felt like I should carry the heaviest stuff but I am not that strong really. I have weak upper body strength and my left leg is a bit messed up. I really would rather be grouped with some of the undergrad who have 1-2 years of film training under their belts but I it wasn't meant to be.

I really missed my red van the last couple of days.

About the red van, I realized that it would be more economic if I traded it in for a smaller car when it was still somewhat valuable. But then it was so useful when I moved to and from uni. I basically could fit everything in it when I left uni during the summers and when i left the apartment.

but it did ate a lot of gas, like a rent worth of gas during the months when i drove a lot.

I learned a lot from my classmates actually. Probably just a bit more from my instructors haha. We are always working in group project and we just picking up things from one another. One of my partners is James and he's not a very communicative kind of person, at least with me, but he had this great vision for the video we were doing and he drove it home and nailed it. I was basically just tagging along. I don't think he is the best guy to work with because he's a bit dominating and he doesn't notice it but he is serious. There's no slap job, he gets thing right.

I am generally pretty amazed at the quality of work my classmates are creating. Some of the undergrads are a bit immature and basically act like high schoolers but most of everybody are crazily into their craft which is an excellent thing.

I am not sure but it seems like adults turn into kids, especially men, start to behave like boys to a certain age. Or maybe it is because we are always kids and that when we are tire at old age, we get too tire to act adult and let our childish ways slip out.

Anyway, I am starting my 3 weeks of school at UTS. I went back to SCAC ROckdale for the second week but this time I went to the English service where many of my old fellowship friends are. I realized that I didn't tell a lot of people that I was arriving, in fact, probably only 1 person knew beforehand. Several people know that I was coming sooner or later but didn't know when exactly.

Bright took me the first time and he was kind of sick, he's better now, but it is such a warming feeling that even after all these years we are still like brothers. Other than our appearances, we are the same guys, I probably changed a lot, not that very active teenager but he haven't change one bit. We are still there.

Saw some old friends. It was a bit like coming home except everybody is older now. I kind of like how some of the neighborhoods are still relatively the same unlike HK where stuff go through like a complete transformation every few years. You can be reminded of your roots.

Sermon was alright, actually, it can't be that bad when it's from the Bible. It was Pastor Choi from Perth who is a Cantonese from HK who has been living in Aus for over 15 years. I know most of the songs but some were sang with a slightly different melody. I think it is a different way of singing. In AACF at UCR we kind of sang with our guts, from deep down (maybe it's just me) but here, maybe it is because there are too many girls, it's really composed, light and soft. It's nice, but I like singing from deep within, like releasing something from the guts with more accents and crescendos and descendos. They sing really calmly at this church or English congregation and there are 100 people when everybody is here as I was told.

I saw Katrina when I turned around and Janice was in front of me and Katrina was surprised to see me, we waved and it was so funny. So like a girl still. After service Katrina and Zena came over and gave me hugs while I was still seating down. Such Aussies, the young ones, less reserved. I was caught off-guard. We are actually only a few years different in years but back when we were kids 2-4 years meant a lot.

After service we walked around and went to a coffee shop and it was nice just hanging out. They have so much hanging out time here, it's like more hanging out time than I would get in a month with my fellowship in Hong Kong. We ate lunch together and then we had more hang out time. Janice joked, "Is that too much hanging out for you?" I am just not use to so much free time. Danny was still helping out with the poster so Phil gave me a ride back. Phil is a really jolly guy.

At night, I went to Auntie Cat's place for dinner. I kind of invited myself over. I actually just wanted to see if I could have dinner at her place in the future when I m by myself. She invited me over for Sunday night. It was good to catch up and see the old house again. I actually wanted to walk there just to know how to get there. Karina and Celina were there and we basically grew up together and were neighbors for most of my time in Australia so it was a bit weird now we are in our 20s and their parents are retiring.

just looking back at the postings, it is pretty negative huh?

Right now we are having a garage or yard sale at home. Not much business being July the 4th but we did sell like $40 worth of stuff. For ... $80 of stuff. It's pretty slow now actually we haven't sold anything for the past 3 hours. It's almost 4 pm now. So I as well might pack up the stuff.

Went through a lot of stuff while packing and cleaning up my room really. I have so much stuff here. And we are actually quite time pressed to clear up everything. We need to do a lot of stuff to rent the house out. I am not even done with my room. I think I basically have to throw a lot of things out. It's really hard to sell my stuff, the worst are the books which cost a lot but I am not going get much back from them and in the end I might have to donate them somewhere, probably the library in Arcadia and to the church library.

And then there are the art works and photographs. I just want to find good place for them.

You know, I do think about why don't I just stay back here and try to find a job. Well, the economy is pretty bad now but I think I can still find a job somewhere. I can rent out the rooms in the house.

Actually, that was my original plan when I graduated. I was going to find a job in something, or go back to school, live here while renting some of the rooms out, at most 2.

I went to HK to basically take a break after the wedding banquet and was looking to maybe teach in China, Japan, or somewhere in SE Asia. Woah I get 5 bars of wireless connection in the front yard.

Things kind of jut made a turn. Decisions are weird. They really changes things.

I wonder why don't I just find a place where i m comfortable in and just stay there. Maybe like here. I will see how things would go in Oz. definitely not in Hong Kong, well, I guess really not at TC. Maybe like teach in an international school and go to another church. Is there a normal church somewhere? I really just want to fit in. Just be a common church goer. Be treated as another person, just another church member, cared for like another church member.

I can't really be free at TC. There is just too much scrutiny. Sometimes just want to be another person. I wonder what I am really good at. Sometimes i feel like the only thing i m good at is being nice, having some moral judgment, being honest, being set apart, being alone, seeing things people can't and reflecting on things, as well as taking photographs.

After spending about 5 days with people from church on a mission trip, I found that FY is really infected. There's not much intelligence in FY and her EQ is pretty bad around me. I can sense that she is just a bit weird around me, like wearing colored eyeglasses. She is less willing to share and tries not to answer to my question, probably afraid of being wrong. BAsically, we are not on equal basis. There is a barrier between us. It's disappointing because "what the heck did i do to her?" Work of the devil i tell ya. Well, I guess she just have been listening to a lot of gossip (without know?) and probably some problems working with the pastor but what does that has to do with me? That's the crap that has to do with being the PK. People can't separate things. But really, I think she is a little immature to be a deacon and it is giving her a really hard time. I am not sure if she knows what she is doing. She has good intention but a bit on naive side and i hope God will give her more wisdom and maturity.

Had lunch with a brother and i realized how messed up and a nut case the church is. it's really disappointing. people's principles, concepts, values, theology are just all in a jumble. i don't get how people become like that? there is a weak understanding of Biblical values, to the point rwCommunism is not wrong when it has conflict with the very core value of the existence of God.
I don't quite understand it.

i think it's immaturity. it's very disappointing because there are many Phds and college degrees but head knowledge but there are too many things that I don't think they can distinguish or understand.

There is the argument about protesting, demonstrating and that it's not Christian. Christ never did such thing and that the BIble never said anything about democracy.

Communism doesn't believe in God and in practice it is a dictatorship. Whereas, democracy is based on compromise, reacting to people's interests, freedom of expression and civil arguments.

Communism is more going using human means to force equality.

I think you can tell pretty clear if someone dislike you. Maybe simple people are just easy to pick on because we can't fight back. I realize that maybe I did not have to be so worried about others. People are doing, it was only me who was getting hurt. I sometimes feel like why am I the one who has to help others. I don't know. It's my freaking nature. What am I nice, and good. It's my freaking nature. I should be the one nurtured.

Was it me? IT was really just a very short span of time from March to the present. Just 2 months really.

It was december actually.

I guess it was stupid of me to be trying to do so much. God doesn't need any protection or should I be trying hard to solve things on my own despite of my good intention. God will take care of His people, lost lamb, He himself will do what He will. I should just trust Him instead of being paranoid.

It's kind of hard to take because in my guts I think I was hurt and it is as if evil won. I just want to gave a good testimony. Maybe I did too much, but I can't help it. But I totally think I have been misunderstood.

I think I learn that man can't change people, wel i guess we can, but we shouldn't and defin

Got into UTS for the media arts and production grad diploma, now i need to apply for a tax file number.

I didn't know it but I think i am a victim of bullying at work. On general, i m basically well-liked at work because of my personality and playfulness I guess.

There was a time when my superior or manager went on leave at quite a busy time in the year. I was put in to the LS team to help out basically with globalization and i was working with a colleague. We were always in good term, she was just another coworker but the relationship went sour. at first i think because i made a comment jokingly about how it wouldn't take me so long to edit a part.

i meant it as a joke and my manager knew it was a joke to and we kind of just laughed it off but she, my coworker, didn't as i realize later on. Afterward, she was applying pressure on me, probably as revenge.

It then just get intensified and I was just wondering "what the heck", and realized she was crossing the line and was probably doing it intentionally when she was being rude and trying to humiliate me in front of others.

I didn't know how serious it was and was still being somewhat careless around her with some bad jokes that weren't aimed at anybody but she, in the hole that she was in, thought were offensive against her.

And at that time, i did try to mend things by buying ice cream for her but i think she was in a loop all in the corner. I even bought noodle for her.

There was one time when she asked me for something but she said it wasn't urgent so I did another assignment first and she came over and asked for it. i told her i forgot and she disrespected my family and commented about why i don't have a gf. I didn't care about the gf but it just clearly crossed the line when she put my family in to the mix. I calmly returned the gf question to her, "can i reverse that question?" another colleague, May was there so she was a bit shocked at this and said, "what the?"

And it just got worst there and became very obvious that she hated me with her speech and action. During this time I was basically just trying to get on her good side and tried to avoid her as much as possible, seeing if things would cool down. And I showed with my action that I wasn't trying to hurt her. I think to a point it was shared mentality but I don't think she was able to control herself with her action and thinking.

It just got worst from there when i found out indirectly that she was also gossiping. then it was a bit late to confront her i think. I should have confront her long ago, but then i didn't know it would be so serious, or become so serious and out of control. Guess i learned the hard way.

And i actually apologized to her just yesterday but it's kind of late with all the damage done already although she accepted it well.

so, another episode in learning yeah! So, it's hard to be good. especially a good man. girls are just very tricky beings.

Sharon has really good ear, she can hear even my quite rumbling and whisper. pretty amazing actually.

Usually I take advantage of public holidays because it's soo hard to get days off at work with our load, but this Easter I will probably just stay in Hong Kong. Got a lot of errands to do, and dad can't leave for Easter.

I originally planned for London but my boss did not grant me permission.

I am aiming to get at least 2 days off during the 3 days May 1 weekend. Hopefully more, just to burn more holidays before I go.

I went with Pam to Macca at night and we talked about holiday and places we wanted to go and I think she is considering leaving too. She's burning all her holidays in mid-May. She already applied.

THis week, after contemplating for over a month, I e-mailed Herman that I will be taking a break from choir from now till the end of April.

The reason is that I just haven't been able to get things together. I found myself unable to concentrate on anything or do anything well. I found myself being somewhat tire and exhausted every single day of the week. I get energized when I am with people, people actually carry me on despite of the headache or minor fragility.

So I can take Sunday off this week with the plan of finishing work which is due on Monday. In truth, I don't know how to make the deadline and am a bit sick of just handing in work that I am not quite satisfy with.

For the past 2 weeks or so, I think I have been totally humbled in many areas of my life.

Sometimes, I think we let too much church get into the household. It is something that we care a lot about but at the same time it make us tire, stressed which cause bad mood at times.

I woke up around 10, thought of running but didn't do so until noon.

I realize that the reason i m at a standstill because i m fearful. i am afraid to go deep and devote myself into anything further than from a safe distance.

i m afraid of change.

i haven't been trying hard. i never engaged, i kept myself at a safe distance.

SO now, i have this age old problem again, what the heck to do with myself? Career-wise and location-wise actually.

OKay, let's break it down.

Australia. Why? Good free health care is a big plus for someone with a family history of cancer and diabetes. One doctor said i have 90% chance of getting cancer. I was scheduled to do a colon scan every 2 years.

Career:

teaching: why?

I actually don't know if my personality fit in teaching. I don't think I am a leader. I lack confident at times. especially in front of many people but I think i can build it up and learn. people become different things as they get older. pick on new skills, well, i was super shy for a time but learned to be more open so the fear is ... nothing.

Why anyway? what's the calling.

It's always in the back of my mind to improve the education system. I just want to improve education. I see things that can be make better and am utterly concerned about the well-being of the next generation and young people because they will be rulers of our world in the future and they will have to take care of us and control the trend and stuff, which i want a say in.

So in a sense, working with young people is like making a better world tomorrow for me. I do have a dream, to open a school that help kids grow. Or go to a school like that and work there. I want an affordable private Christian school that make good leaders and plants good Christian values in to kids so they would be light and salt of the earth when they go into the world and make positive impact.

that is a dream. to develop well-rounded people with world vision, to serve others.

what would i do then? maybe teach social studies, social science, history, government or even a bit of PE in that ideal school. and the school curriculum would allow the student to get further college education in canada, US, UK systems.

What should I do to do that?
1. Go get a job at a school or ask while getting my credential at the same time locally.
2. Go get master and credential at the same time for 2 years in Aus.
3. Get master and credential locally/or while working at a school.

FILM

Why? Just a dream I think. Something I wanted to do for a long time, since high school probably but always think that it is too big for me, but i hardly tried. I guess my mentality is not to be a big name Hollywood producer or director but be able to do my own projects and tell stories.

What is attractive. I think the creative making part is what attracts me. I make story up in my head all the time and i organize them visually. There are stories that I want to tell visually, stories from real life that i want to tell others. I want people to be aware of things they don't usually pay attention to.

The other thing is that the media is such a powerful thing and we are getting a lot of flirts. I want to make a difference with film, providing positive thinking, bring truth in to the media, another way of looking and viewing things as an alternative to the flirts on TV and movies. it might be a very long process.

SO. PROCESS:

There is 2 track I can do this, the US and the Oz paths.

US, go to film school for MFA usually 2-3 years and would cost around US$40 a year, something I cannot afford. And then work my butt off for the next decade or so.

OZ
Go do a diploma and then work, then later graduate diploma and work and MFA. Just work it up while studying. I have no clue about the film industry in Oz but education is much cheaper.

I am tempted to do the OZ path but I think the US path is best for someone like me.

But before so, I need to really polish my writing skills up. Good writing is very important.

Film school would be something next year at the earliest. I have been talking for 2 years i think, but I need to make a portfolio. I need to write. I need to go to class. But for me to do that, I probably need to find a job that is less demanding while lightening my load at church.

But what about this year? I can go to school. I can find another job (actually only a very limited choices with the current state of the economy).

i basically crossed out BUHK after checking out the faculty. ifva on the other hand has some have some really cool films.

What is my message?

I am thinking of getting a HD camcorder with my $2000 coupon at broadway from my company's waffle.I am looking into Sony, probably going to get one that is around $6k something and with the coupon it would be $4kish. Which is actually still a big sum. I don't want to get a top of the line because i just want one that just put good image. School would (i think) have better and more capable camera so why try to spend so much myself since tuition is heavy already.

I have been contemplating on leaving my job for a while now. And actually I don't have much time.

In some ways, situation at work has been tougher recently. I feel as if people are just picking on me. It probably has to do with taking Chinese New Year off, if so, that's pretty ridiculous. I don't who said what but well, I don't have much time if I really want to do what I want with the time i have.

I think it takes some courage to quit a job. It does especially at this stage and age. I think I will pray on it. But I need to do something to and get in the act of ... applying. I think my eventual goal is ... film. But I need to at least change my lifestyle to make that happen. I need to make a portfolio, make a documentary or two which I should have done back in 06-07 when I had so much more time. I was a bit confused then.

US film schools are most appropriate for me I think, for someone who doesn't have much experience, but it's going to cost a lot. I am not even looking at the private schools like USC or NYU. UCLA would cost like 45K, Florida State would cost $55k but production cost will be paid for by the school so it's about the same. I can save on rent in LA, whereas I can save on production in FSU.

WOrk load was lighter this week with no...crazy OT. It's a bit strange actually. I do have a lot of work piled up, however, I have to wait for another colleague to finish her stuff to start my LS editing. So, in the mean time, I was given some less urgent assignment...well, until Friday. On Friday I was given a pile of stuff to translate and they have to be finished by the end of Monday. Urrr.

But with the lighter workload, I jumped on the chance to meet up and spend some extra time with my SG members. During the fellowship Sunday, Eddie somewhat transformed Dorothy activity/idea for the better and we were to write on a piece of paper what we wish to do with another bros/sis. I wrote down eating meal with my SG members outside of church.

So this week I jumped on the gun. Had a hurried lunch with Queenie, Cherli and Sunny. I could've called Ray too but he said he was only available on Friday night. So we kind of had a bros night on Friday at the best Vietnamese noodle place I have found in HK so far. The beef noodle there is the closest to the US Viet noodles in Hong KOng. But we actually just ordered a bunch of more HOng Kongized stuff (because we ordered the 4 persons meal) and I added a special beef noodle later on. It was good. Just talking with the guys.

Work will be nuts in March.

I need to get moving on my application. I m finding myself not having the time to concentrate and write my statement.

It's pretty sad.

Today, well yesterday. Woke up around 6:30 to be at TST for the launch of the World History Textbook. I spent the whole day at TST, very tiring. Wasted a lot of time too. I could have came back home at around 2-3 to get 2-3 hours of work or rest, but stayed at TST and then SG at 7:30 which we celebrated Gigi and Nicky's bdays. We had a good time. Surprisingly good BIble study. So thankful for having Ms. Chou with us. She lighten my load, well we share it. I think in term of church age, we are the oldest so we been through more stuff.

I am getting more comfortable at SG and becoming more vulnerable. OPening myself up more, which...might have some consequences. I may seem less mature and etc by opening up more. But I think we are, as a group, getting more comfortable with each other and being able to share more, and be more honest. I guess we are losing that surface 'courtesy' slowly. We can argue quite freely, yet think of others' viewpoint.

But at the same time, I think some of us are getting a bit too busy to a point that we can't find time to reflect and go to Sunday school...getting food. We need to push Sunday school because we need it, our base is quite shallow but it's going to be difficult. Some serve on both Saturday and Sunday. going to Sunday school for some of them take another 2 hours and it is rather rushed. I feel it too coz i am in the choir and know what it is like. Morning Sunday school rarely start on time and choir totally cut into it.

But we need to definitely push for it so people who can will be encouraged to.

I was sending some of the better pictures we took during our trip at Thailand to my sis via e-mail and I think we had a great time. It wasn't a perfect trip, and there were some disappointment with the arrangement and food, but it wasn't bad. The local guides were good and did their part to serve us and our HK guardian I guess, was nice enough. MOst of all, I think we really got to forget about everything and just enjoy one another's company.

NExt time we could simply book our own flight or package deal to Pattaya and Bangkok. Or Phuket. They are all very tourist friendly.